Life and Chipmunks

June 15, 2010

The story of my life. My family and I have a small strawberry patch that we were hoping to get some of our own home grown strawberries this year. One problem, the chipmunks had the same idea.

Chipmunks are ordinarily cute, fuzzy little beings that have nothing better to do than dash around and look cute while small children think of the lovable denizens of Disney lore, Chip and Dale. They can be funny creatures as they chase each other and frolic all the day long. And then comes growing season. And then they turn into malevolent little monsters with only one goal: to destroy, eat, and otherwise ruin your garden. They race back and forth stealing strawberries, tearing up plants etc. So, what does one do? Trap them?

A mouse trap does not work. We’ve tried. The beasts’ necks are so strong they bust the spring on the trap. (Well not really, but I’ve never caught one in them.) Rat traps don’t work. The beings are so fast they grab the bait, dance on the trigger and dart off before the large and bruising piece of metal comes down.

Shoot them? You can’t do it. A BB gun would surely kill them if it hit them. I think I might have knocked off a couple, but if you’re farther away than 5-10 yards good luck. The sound of the air blast alerts them and they zoom off, chittering as they go. Maybe a shotgun blast of birdshot might take out one, as well as three quarters of the yard. A rifle might work but the danger of a bullet ricocheting off the ground and hitting someone is a risk I’m not willing to take for strawberries. Maybe land mines?

But there is a bigger issue here. It is life. Sometimes we have to put up with things that annoy us, simply because doing something, anything is not always the best course. Sometimes we need to think out what we are going to do and do what we are going to do in a measured, controlled response. It also shows that certain things are not rights. We don’t have the right to have a taxpayer subsidized exterminator come out because of our strawberries. It is our own issue and we should deal with it as we see fit, so long as we don’t endanger other lives. Government cannot do for us, we must do for ourselves through individual initiative. It really also makes me realize just how incapable and awe-inspiringly stupid some government ideas are. Like that government knows better what Americans need and shouldn’t own, rather than we do. Why should bureaucrats tell us that we better buy health care, we shouldn’t buy that firearm etc. when they’ve never worked in the health industry and many of them haven’t ever fired a gun? Americans need to vote out the big government socialists and let our ballots do the talking. I think that’s something that even the chipmunks can rally behind.